Olive branches do not grow on trees.

Here's a shocker. I have experienced several episodes of drama. *gasp* I've extended olive branches to particular cases, and there is often times I wish I could have the oppertunity to extend it to more people I've butted heads with. So, I am going to tell you about the skill and knowledge I know about growing olive branches and extending them to those who (let's face it) you'd probably rather not.

The biggest thing I've found that allows an olive branch to grow is understanding. I have a few organizers that I've had problems with. I feel that for the most part, they have made an unfair judgement about me and never really gave me a chance. BUT I also sympathize for them. I realize it takes two to tango and there are things I could have done differently.

One boy in high school (who has probably forgotten all about me by now!) left me with a quote once that I've never forgotten. I told him that I was angry at someone and he struck back saying: "For being human?" He said it as a joke, but I took it seriously ever since. Everybody is human, and we all make mistakes. We are suppose to. Knowing this it makes it easier to forgive.

The last thing I'm going to leave you with is a lesson I've heard about since I was a small child, but I really didn't understand it until I was older. One of my favorite stories growing up was Anne of Green Gables series. In the book (movie as well), Anne who has a stubborn side to her refuses to make an apology to the town gossip, nosey nancy : Rachel Lynd.

As a result Marilla, the adoptive parent of Anne, threatens to take Anne back to the orphanage if she would not apologize to her.  But Matthew (marilla's brother and Anne's other adoptive parent) consoles her and manages to persaude her to apologize. "You don't have to be really sorry, just sorta sorry."

OK. I know it's a better vertue to be geniuine in your apology but there are plenty of times I had to make apologies for things that are not even in my control.  Usually I emphasize "I'm sorry I made you feel that way" because no matter what I did, I can garentee there is not a bone in me that would ever want someone to experience a unintended negative feeling; even my worst enemy.

The positive thing that I can tell you is that if you are able to exchange olive branches, do not cast the olive branch out once your nieghbor leaves. Plant it back in your heart and continue to nuture it so it can grow. I have one person who has reentered in my life that I thought would never be good friends with me. Surprisingly, life has changed and I find myself needing her more than ever. She may not be my best friend but I think we were meant to find each other. What a tradgey it would have been had we not allowed our olive branches grow into a tree of frienship.

Playgroup Leader Etiquette

Emily Post would not be proud. My playgroup Etiquette did not come from her book.... I learned it the hard way, and still continue to learn. In fact, I find Emily's books extremely boring,  no matter how important I feel the information is inside.

For sake of being Etiquette incorrect on my opinions, I have found the most organizers do not feel comfortable with other playgroup organizers in their own group; especially if they are operated on the same website. 

You could ask why; but to me it's obvious; fear of competition. Is she joining to steal my members? Advertise her group? Steal my ideas?

Well, I'm not going to get into why I think this 'fear' is ridiculous (I'll cover that later), but here is etiquette for those of you who may not have realized that yes, Houston, there is etiquette for us organizers.

1. Never Copy ANY content verbatim. In fact, avoid copying as much as possible. If you have to copy, ask first.  Which leads me to number two:

2. Don't be possessive. Guess what? Great minds think alike. No you were not the 'first' one to think of doing a playgroup at the fire station, or signing your group up for a kindermusik class. That boudoir Mom's Night Out idea you had? Been there, done that. Get over it.  If they really did 'steal' it from you; your group members will know it. You have nothing to worry about.

3. Do not join for sole purpose of promoting yours. It's just not cool.

4. Respect the organizers. Not everyone will organize in the same way and you will not be happy with some of the choices they make. That doesn't mean that they are wrong. I cannot stress how disrespectful it is to criticize some one's else group when you run one yourself; would you want them criticizing yours?

5. If you are going to share events, make sure you are really sharing. Even if it is a 'public event' like a stroller walk, it does not mean you should meet up at the same day and time without letting the other organizer know.  There is too many bad outcomes that can come from this (and that is a completely different subject!). Keep up with communication with that organizer. Be in communication.

So that's it! Be thoughtful of other organizers and you'll have some strong allies by your side when the going gets tough.

Granting Playgroup Leaders Membership?

I belong to three (Techinically five, but who's counting) mommy groups. Two out of the three I help organize. One I am just a member and plan to keep it that way. I enjoy coming to a group where I didn't plan, don't have responsibilities, and can just.....ahhhhhhhh........

I'm lucky to have a group without responsibilities of organizing. For some organizers, having other organizers; even assistants; feels intrusive.  I have found that it usually happens when you have clusters of playgroups on the same website. It can happen in other ways, but for some reason the 'nieghborhood rivals' flare up for reasons of jealously, competition, and who knows what.

It's valid. Sometimes leaders join for malicious reasons. But sometimes they join for reasons like mine. A break from being the organizer!

Whether you decide to include other playgroup leaders from nearby groups; it is your decision. What you have to decide is what is in danger by them joining in on your group? Taking your event ideas? Taking your members? Dragging down your momentum?

What you really should ask yourself is how can I benefit from this?  Connecting with local organizers allows you bond with someone similular to your position. Expand your resources, your ideas, your enthusaims, and strategies.

Or you might just wind up in a tornado of mama drama. So, without judgement, I will ask you this: Are you willing to stay home when the weather man says the hurricane is coming? Or are you running for the hills? Do you allow organizers in your group? (OK, maybe that was three questions).

Media and Playgroup Discrimnation

Time for a personal, emotional post. It never crossed my mind that I would EVER want to write about this, but I had an epipheny as I was brushing my teeth last night. This is something that desperately needs to get out there.

It is completely natural to protect our children from threats; but aren't we going a tad bit overboard? I'm not talking about rubbing sanitizer on our hands or even putting on those grocery cart covers. I'm talking about extreme measures we take; like not allowing them to use the public restroom, or play in a community pool because of the possibility of germs.

THIS (not quite) JUST IN: germs are everywhere. Do you know how many germs at in an ER room? You  don't avoid taking your child to the ER if they are extrememly sick do you? For your child's sake I hope not. Why is it that our children's phyiscal health so much more important than their mental and emotional health? I'm serious. If you limit your child from participating in fun activities because of germ, you are limiting them from enjoying the life that you strive so hard to preserve.

Media hype tend to send people in a whirlwind frenzy. Even blood relatives did not want to visit with me for fear of getting 'infected' (Since when did I become a walking diease?) Here's where I get rather upset. I was removed from a playgroup (over a year ago now!) because the leader considered me a 'threat'. At the time, I was struggling with relaspes from an infectious diesase. Normally removal is a matter of unreconcible differences, or violating guidelines; which is understandable. This dismisal is completely out of line because;

• I never attended a playdate if I had an active infection
• I am very good about keeping hands clean and santized
• My household members have been free of infections (at the time) for over a year! (Now it's almost two years! I might also add I am cured, but no--I'm not rejoining that playgroup).

"I don't feel comfortable........ Afterall, I have a newborn to think about" the leader emailed. YEAH. At the time, I was eight months pregnant; I also had a newborn to think about. Doctors assured me I have nothing to worry about. "From things I've read and talking to family members who agree, I'm going to ask that you and your children do not attend playdates."

So here's my bone and I'm gonna pick it. Should we limit who our families interact with because of their health history for 'chance' of becoming infected? Absolutely Not! Ask any doctor, and they will tell you, unless your child is a specail health risk, you are more at risk by going to the grocery store than by playing with someone with a history.

So.....stop freaking out about the latest Media hype. The people being hospitalized for it is only a small percentage, and most of those infected experience a very mild case. If you educate yourself on the symptoms and follow directions to prevent, you shouldn't have a problem. AND If you are really concerned talk to your family doctor-- not the media.

Organizer's nightmare; DRAMA

There are days that I want to just sit on my bed, stuff my face in a pillow, and scream until my pillow is a doughnut. Those are my worst days. You can be assured; it is probably because I have encountered, yet again, another drama session.

If you organize enough members, for a long enough period of time, you'll find one. I have had my generous share of drama. To be honest, I do enjoy a bit of drama. Sorry to those organizers who believe playgroups can be 'drama free' but....you are dealing with social dynamics, and with that comes drama!!  Come on, truthfully, a little drama makes life interesting (Which is I why I believe God invented in-laws.).

There is never a surpreme way to handle it when it does rear it's ugly head, but there is plenty you can learn from it, and a positive attitude to have about it. Every helping of drama has taught me a different lesson. The best part, in my opinion is drama leads to something better; communicating. Drama is a door to communication; you just have to step through it.

Even if in the end the two sides do not agree, when true communication happens, both sides feel validated in their problem, and can have closure. I'm still not an expert on communication,  but here is what I've learned.

1. Stop, look, listen. You will never understand the other persons side unless you do this. You might as well listen to their side first because once they feel validated, they will listen to you!
2. Express your thoughts as they are 'your fault'.  I'm not saying they are your fault, but if you express them as your problem and your fault, the opposite party will give you their sympathy, and feel less threatened. Instead of saying "You never call be back when you say you will." say "I feel like I'm not a priority to be called back." It's okay to use the word 'you' occasionally, but I try to avoid it at all costs. It takes practice.
3. Remember that we are all human. Honestly, this is something someone said to me once as a joke when I told him I was mad at him. When I asked if they knew why, he said "for being human?". It struck a chord with me and I will never forget it. You know what the beautiful thing about being human is? We all have feelings!   

If you find the opposite party does not want to follow you through the door of communication, there are a few things you can do. Talk it out with someone outside of your circle. Give it time, that might be what he or she needs. Let go. If the person never comes around, you are going to have to realize you've tried your best, and that's all you can do. At least you stayed honest to yourself, and gave him or her the opportunity of friendship.

Drama can lead to better understanding, better communication, and better friends. It is not the enemy. I am definitely not encouraging one to grab a spoon and start stirring the pot, but if the pot is mixing, don't be afraid to taste what's cookin (Provided the meal is yours and not someone elses.)!